1. Zero

The last fifteen years I have been going round in circles.Starting small, building up, 3 to 5 times or more, then get hit and back to square one or worst. Ending up with nothing, a big fat zero.
Starting the cycle again and again. Thinking that I can make it. Round and round, a merry-go-round. Always ending up in the same place. A spiral down.
July 2019 to January 2020, a super bull run. I could see it. It was so easy. Yet, somehow I couldn't do it.
A thunderbolt struck. The realisation that I cannot do it anymore. My whole world collapse. More than 33 years wasted.
Mentally exhausted and Psychologically damaged.

2. Health

Mentally exhausted, psychologically damage and physically full of ailments.

Trigeminal Neuralgia.
I have been suffering from this incurable, horrible disease for more than 10 years. It comes and goes.
Previously "episodes of attack" last for a few weeks up to 3-4 months. Then there were periods of remission of a few months to 1-2 years.
The latest "attack" started in June 2019 up till now, more than a year.
Non sufferers would have no idea of the pain.
At times pain occurs when I brush teeth, wash face, touch face, shave and even drink water. The worst is eating. I have to chew on one side to avoid pain. At times even that doesn't help. This is a progressive disease, meaning that it will get worst with age.

I have eczema.
I also have Rotator Cuff Injury on both shoulders. On and off there's pain.

My worst fear is Stroke.
Some years back I had 4 TIAs, Transient Ischemic Attacks, where I couldn't move my left arm and leg. 
On and off, I have been getting &qu…

3. Consciousness

I am not insane.I don't suffer from depression. A choice not to continue my journey on Earth.
Freeing my consciousness from my body. Leaving a material world behind. Allowing my consciousness to travel the universe, enter the fifth dimension, the spirit world? 10 Billion Galaxies. Trillions of stars and planets. Such a huge expanse of space.
OR.  Perhaps I am?

4. Big Bang Theory, GOD and Nature.

The Universe is expanding.If extrapolated backwards in time, at the beginning, there must have been a "singularity". A scientific theory.
The question is who created this "singularity"? Only plausible answer - GOD(s)
GOD(s) created this "singularity" and the "Big Bang" and thus this Universe with Billions of Galaxies and Trillions of Stars and Planets.
Belief in God but not religion. Most if not all religions are created by man.
People pray to God for all sorts of things. Terminal patients pray for healing. Sometimes miracles do happen. But most times God(s) let nature run its course. That's why good people die young, like my sister. Perhaps she has become a "Guardian Angel". Where one goes in the afterlife depends on what one does in life.
Thoughts and Theories. Some might say it's BS. Perhaps but you never know until .....

5. The Fifth Dimension - The Spirit World.

In 1986, I was driving someone back to PJ. At the "pepsi" roundabout, Jalan Penchala, something strange happened. I "involuntary" drove onto the roundabout which was flat at that time. "Something" block my vision!This was my 2nd of 3 encounters with the "Spirit World".
BS? Don't believe?  Go spend a night in the cemetery or a haunted house.
Death eventually comes and the "journey" continue in the "Fifth Dimension". Euthanasia and assisted suicide should be allowed to make the transition to the "Fifth Dimension" less painful. Death would be cheaper than care and treatment.

6. Covid 19

There are several strains of Covid 19. Covid 19 infects multiple organs. Many unknowns.
Normal timeframe to develop a vaccine is 10 to 15 years. There are side effects of medication and a vaccine is no different. If rush through especially with shortcuts taken, there could be unforseen side effects, perhaps fatal.
Flu viruses are always mutating. Scientists have already discovered more than 30 mutations of Covid 19.
There is no "universal" vaccine for all the flu viruses.
Be prepared for the long haul - A Pandemic World.
(A "Walking Dead" world isn't so far fetched, is it?)


7. Climate Change

For the last hundred years humans have caused massive destruction to Planet Earth through unfettered consumption and pollution. Atmospheric CO2 has risen exponentially during this period.  Climate Change is Unstoppable. Mother Nature is sick and dying.
Perhaps Covid 19 is the cure? Mother Nature's way of saving Planet Earth?
One less carbon footprint. Goodbye.