1. Zero

The last fifteen years I have been going round in circles.
Starting small, building up, 3 to 5 times or more, then get hit and back to square one or worst.
Ending up with nothing, a big fat zero.

Starting the cycle again and again.
Thinking that I can make it.
Round and round, a merry-go-round.
Always ending up in the same place.
A spiral down.

July 2019 to January 2020, a super bull run.
I could see it.
It was so easy.
Yet, somehow I couldn't do it.

A thunderbolt struck.
The realisation that I cannot do it anymore.
My whole world collapse.
More than 33 years wasted.

Mentally exhausted and Psychologically damaged.

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