2. Health

Mentally exhausted, psychologically damage and physically full of ailments.

Trigeminal Neuralgia.
I have been suffering from this incurable, horrible disease for more than 10 years. It comes and goes.
Previously "episodes of attack" last for a few weeks up to 3-4 months. Then there were periods of remission of a few months to 1-2 years.
The latest "attack" started in June 2019 up till now, more than a year.
Non sufferers would have no idea of the pain.
At times pain occurs when I brush teeth, wash face, touch face, shave and even drink water. The worst is eating. I have to chew on one side to avoid pain. At times even that doesn't help.
This is a progressive disease, meaning that it will get worst with age.

I have eczema.
I also have Rotator Cuff Injury on both shoulders. On and off there's pain.

My worst fear is Stroke.
Some years back I had 4 TIAs, Transient Ischemic Attacks, where I couldn't move my left arm and leg. 
On and off, I have been getting "dizzy spells" when I have to stop, stand still, closed my eyes and get a sense of balance and direction. Also been having numbness in both hands almost every day for the last few months.

What happens when I get a stroke or other delibitating illness?
The life that I would have.
The burden this would caused.

God knows what else is wrong with my body.

Better to go now.
A simple cremation.
No monks.
No rituals.
Ashes scattered into the river, sea or up on a hill.

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